You have been seeing a man who loves you, whether he uses the word or not. He loves sex with you, but more than that, he loves being with you. Even so, he hasn’t committed himself to you fully. Maybe he hasn’t asked you to marry him, though you’ve been seeing each other steadily or living together for a long time.
He is like a million of men who cheat themselves and the woman they care about out of a life that would make you both very happy. He is obviously afraid – possibly, even phobic about commitment.
Here are some tips for getting your man to commit:
1) Make it easy for him to confide in you by listening without giving him advice or criticising him.
He needs to know it’s safe to tell you more. And the more he tells you, the more committed he will become.
2) Make your man feel special by showing him that you love him for himself alone.
Early in a relationship, avoid asking him resume questions. They suggest you are sizing him up and deciding if he is a good risk as a potential husband. Remember, even if he turns out to be a billionaire, he needs to know that you liked him before you knew that fact.
Ask instead what he feels about things, what he likes and dislikes.
3) Try to be natural. Be yourself and don’t conceal your tastes or the things you like. Being natural would encourage him to be the same. He is special and you are special – but in different ways. Never put yourself under pressure by starting out with a lie.
4) Give your man the sense that he can keep his freedom- at least to a reasonable degree.
While you as a woman think of a new relationship as changing your life, your man thinks only of preservation. To him, sameness means security. If you try to change his life too fast, he will feel that his masculinity will be the next thing to go. He will already feel threatened. Make small gestures to show him that you aren’t taking over his life and taking everything away from him. For instance, be sure that he still has time to see his male friends alone.
5) Don’t let him do too much for you or spend too much (even if he volunteers)
If the balance goes too far this way, he will wake up some morning and ask himself, ‘what am I getting into?’ he will want to swing the pendulum the other way, which may be bad news for you. Don’t give him the impression that he has to do too much: that you are too costly.
Even rich guys feel this way. Offering to go half way is sometimes a symbolic act on your part that will mean more than you can imagine to him.
6) Don’t make your man jealous as a device to build his interest in you.
The old wisdom said that playing hard to get might clinch the commitment deal. But I’m telling you that the opposite is true. Most men, no matter what they say are very insecure about their sexual desirability and about their appeal. Your man will be most likely to commit if he feels you are completely loyal; because you find him the most attractive man in the world. Don’t discuss past lovers, even if he wants you to. Your anecdotes may turn him on for a while, but soon, he will start doubting you.
7) After a few months, insist that your man introduce you to his family and friends and to anyone important in his life.
His doing this is a very basic kind of commitment to him, an important step on the road to a lifetime commitment. The man who won’t bring you into his life won’t marry you. A man must see you interacting with the people important to him to think of you as his wife. His making you as part of his social life is an important rung on the ladder that he must climb towards commitment.