Monday, 12 May 2014

Much ado about dating

These days, we’re dating could mean a lot of things. It could mean ‘we’re just having sex’, it could mean he/she is just my maga, it could mean we’re friends with benefits(topic for another day), it could mean he/she is just someone I ring when am bored and so on but mostly never the one am seeing who adds value to my life.
Sometimes I just agree with my friend who sees dating as a waste of time…..that’s when I feel like oh! (am weird, I know) because I don’t agree 100% that I have to eat ogbono, gbegiri, ewedu, oha, onugbu, afang, banga etc to know my favourite or I have to date to gain experience, hell no! Sexual experience? Experience to be street wise? Experience in handling guys/ knowing fully well no two individuals are wired the same way. Neither do I agree I have to stay without dating till am married *rme*
You know, what you get is a temporary feeling of love and belonging. In most cases, we don’t get married to our date and in the end, we ask ourselves, what’s the point? Now take someone who catches feelings quickly, how many guys will she date before settling down? If sex is involved how many guys will she have humped to be qualified as an agaracha? Now am not here to preach abstinence oh! Every mallam with his kettle. Now back to the matter, most times these people don’t help each other grow, all they do is go out to eat pizza, go to the movies, go shopping and sex! Sex!! Sex!!!. I might be wrong but what’s the point if am with a guy for a period of time and in the end, I can’t point to this and say, awwww, I miss xyz, he inspired me to become a blogger, etc? It pains me oh, I know my own is too much…lool
Now, we should realise our happiness isn’t based on someone else’s perception of us. Being in a relationship doesn’t guarantee happiness! Yes, there’s the ecstasy that comes with being in a new relationship, but hey, it’s the same way I feel when I get a new pair of shoe, I can wake up in the midnight and switch my light on, pick it up and start to admire before I sleep off again (I told you am weird like that) that’s the same way we feel when we just start dating. So tying your happiness to some boy or girl is just like making yourself a pawn in their hands, they can tune you to be happy or unhappy. You get?
The truth is no one finds love, it finds you but hey, it takes time to be certain we’ve discovered the one person we want to spend our lives with albeit short and it takes time for love to grow and build a relationship that will stand the rough and rocky road upon which life will surely send us travelling.
Forget about the whole lovey-dovey, yes, am a hopeless romantic but then, after the initial gra gra, when the chips are down, it takes more than ‘I love you’ to sustain a relationship, it’s real work!
Also, you need to understand yourself, know yourself, realise your values and what you can offer. If you know you don’t do guys who can’t speak good English, don’t date one guy who can’t with the hope of polishing him! My dear you’ll end up frustrated! You can’t change people!! I like to say ‘love is finding someone whose differences you can mesh with yours to make yourselves better than ever’, don’t lower your standard for anything, make a guy realise your ideals before you venture into it to avoid stories like’ you have changed and the likes’
Figure out what makes you happy, don’t date with expectations or preconceived thoughts. It takes time to know a person and see how loyal they are. It’s best to save your feelings for someone who can reciprocate.
When we ‘look’, it’s usually a waste of time because to some extent, what we get is what we want to see in people and not who they really are! It’s more like forcing me to be who you want me to be and it’s just a waste of time and trust me, that interest can never be sustained. That spark will die as fast as it was ignited. Have no expectations and everything will fall in place.
Sometimes, I look back and am like, oh my God, how could I have lowered my standard/ and I really don’t think my past experiences were that great. Thankfully am not one to indulge in long term dating, my longest was 11 months…it’s not like am proud of it and all but all in all, I’ve come to realise that we can’t always stay, sometimes, we have to move on. We’re not always given a choice. At some point, people don’t have to stay. Some do, some don’t. We just have to love them while we can and learn whatever we’re meant to learn from them and finally, just because you love me, and I love you doesn’t mean we’re meant to be.

PS. I couldn’t come up with a better title.

20 comments:

  1. The problem with our generation is that you're considered weird if you're single. Notwithstanding, one has to do what's best for one's improvement considering everyone has goals/targets to achieve and being in parasitic relationships stagnate one's growth (literally) in life.








    @iMannie_

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    1. It depends on who your circle of friends comprise of. I've been single for a long while now and none of my friends have tagged me weird even though they are happily dating.
      There's no point going into a parasitic relationship at this point

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    2. Nice write up! I love this dunno what to say again. Lol

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  2. Great piece...u spoke my mind...no need being with one who doesn't add value or motivate u....no need being with sm1 who won't accept you as u r ...bw agaracha has reached here OMG!

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    1. Thanks dindu... Lool at agaracha like
      Reaching here

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  3. And Amaka is ranting. LOL, well I've only dated two people in my life and as I am now, I'm not ready to date for fun if I don't see you as a future wife, we won't toil the dating line. My friends will say she likes you, why don't you ask her out, and just like you I see it as a waste of time

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    1. Am not ranting oh! You can't always tell if you'll marry your partner oh,I've dated a.guy I thought was my last bus stop but where are we now? That's why I said date with no expectations. If along the line,.you see her as a wife material, fine.

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    2. Well that's true, happened to me too and she disappointed me but there are some people we know there's no future with, but some people will still into relationship with such poeple. Well, who knows things could turn around

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    3. My own is we should make the best of whatever we find ourselves in.

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  4. We get to realise all of these as we grow older! Sometimes we tend to lower our standards for this person, probably because we love them too much to be just friends. And at other times it's because we feel/think they'll measure up with time. But on the long run, you realise there's nothing in it (the relation) for you. You try to work it out, but the more you try the more hopeless it becomes. Then you start working on letting go cos that takes a little time too. And then you finally you let go. You come out of that relationship stronger (in rare cases) and wiser. In a nutshell; it takes time and experience (for most people) to know all of these... #doctorbobby

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    1. Exactly but as much as experience is the best teacher, we can learn from the experiences of others yeah? The worse thing I ever did.was lowering my standard! Never again will I do such

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    2. Yea since we actually can't live long enough to go through these experiences ourselves. Learning from others' experience is the way out... #doctorbobby

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  5. Well well ain't this some hot topic!! Hmmm...interesting and fact. Unfortunately I was a sucker for love and end up heartbroken numerous times. Hell I was living with a guy for many years, only for him to go marry in Africa without telling me. I found out through our shared laptop. Then ofcos he realized he made a mistake and up to this day, he's begging for forgiveness and wants me back. Not happening!!! I tell you though when you've been through certain hurts/pains, it makes you immune that you don't give a hoot anymore. What's love got to do with it basically, so you end up messing yourself up. Ah! I could carry on, but yea great topic. No expectations indeed! Life sucks sometimes, but God knows best.
    *Appreciate your visit on my blog :-)*

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    1. Oh my! Some people are just plain wicked!!! How could he? Am glad you moved on!
      Thanks for visiting mine too. XOXO

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  6. Another brilliant write up. If you ain't going to add value, just forget it - Dating means so much to me

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    1. Obiamaka you just dey play hide and seek! Work has been hectic yeah?

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  7. Don't expect much from ppl and don't make assumptions
    www.tosyne101.wordpress.com

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  8. I almost wasn't gonna comment on this post and I probably ain't doing still. Let me just chip in that according to research, an average youth will go into "dating" seven times on his/her way to the altar. Then, once you have someone you're dating, their effect (love) toys with your stupidity button. Its natural & not unbecoming. You forget all the "be careful" "don't let them dictate your happiness" "don't be too hopeful"... pfft! Out of the window. If/When the party is over, your blindfold comes off... And it goes on but you get wiser & more matured along the way. That's the summary of your pilgrimage to the altar. (P.S. Don't find love. Let it find you.)

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