These days, we’re dating could mean a lot of things. It could mean ‘we’re just having sex’, it could mean he/she is just my maga, it could mean we’re friends with benefits(topic for another day), it could mean he/she is just someone I ring when am bored and so on but mostly never the one am seeing who adds value to my life.
Sometimes I just agree with my friend who sees dating as a waste of time…..that’s when I feel like oh! (am weird, I know) because I don’t agree 100% that I have to eat ogbono, gbegiri, ewedu, oha, onugbu, afang, banga etc to know my favourite or I have to date to gain experience, hell no! Sexual experience? Experience to be street wise? Experience in handling guys/ knowing fully well no two individuals are wired the same way. Neither do I agree I have to stay without dating till am married *rme*
You know, what you get is a temporary feeling of love and belonging. In most cases, we don’t get married to our date and in the end, we ask ourselves, what’s the point? Now take someone who catches feelings quickly, how many guys will she date before settling down? If sex is involved how many guys will she have humped to be qualified as an agaracha? Now am not here to preach abstinence oh! Every mallam with his kettle. Now back to the matter, most times these people don’t help each other grow, all they do is go out to eat pizza, go to the movies, go shopping and sex! Sex!! Sex!!!. I might be wrong but what’s the point if am with a guy for a period of time and in the end, I can’t point to this and say, awwww, I miss xyz, he inspired me to become a blogger, etc? It pains me oh, I know my own is too much…lool
Now, we should realise our happiness isn’t based on someone else’s perception of us. Being in a relationship doesn’t guarantee happiness! Yes, there’s the ecstasy that comes with being in a new relationship, but hey, it’s the same way I feel when I get a new pair of shoe, I can wake up in the midnight and switch my light on, pick it up and start to admire before I sleep off again (I told you am weird like that) that’s the same way we feel when we just start dating. So tying your happiness to some boy or girl is just like making yourself a pawn in their hands, they can tune you to be happy or unhappy. You get?
The truth is no one finds love, it finds you but hey, it takes time to be certain we’ve discovered the one person we want to spend our lives with albeit short and it takes time for love to grow and build a relationship that will stand the rough and rocky road upon which life will surely send us travelling.
Forget about the whole lovey-dovey, yes, am a hopeless romantic but then, after the initial gra gra, when the chips are down, it takes more than ‘I love you’ to sustain a relationship, it’s real work!
Also, you need to understand yourself, know yourself, realise your values and what you can offer. If you know you don’t do guys who can’t speak good English, don’t date one guy who can’t with the hope of polishing him! My dear you’ll end up frustrated! You can’t change people!! I like to say ‘love is finding someone whose differences you can mesh with yours to make yourselves better than ever’, don’t lower your standard for anything, make a guy realise your ideals before you venture into it to avoid stories like’ you have changed and the likes’
Figure out what makes you happy, don’t date with expectations or preconceived thoughts. It takes time to know a person and see how loyal they are. It’s best to save your feelings for someone who can reciprocate.
When we ‘look’, it’s usually a waste of time because to some extent, what we get is what we want to see in people and not who they really are! It’s more like forcing me to be who you want me to be and it’s just a waste of time and trust me, that interest can never be sustained. That spark will die as fast as it was ignited. Have no expectations and everything will fall in place.
Sometimes, I look back and am like, oh my God, how could I have lowered my standard/ and I really don’t think my past experiences were that great. Thankfully am not one to indulge in long term dating, my longest was 11 months…it’s not like am proud of it and all but all in all, I’ve come to realise that we can’t always stay, sometimes, we have to move on. We’re not always given a choice. At some point, people don’t have to stay. Some do, some don’t. We just have to love them while we can and learn whatever we’re meant to learn from them and finally, just because you love me, and I love you doesn’t mean we’re meant to be.
PS. I couldn’t come up with a better title.