Tuesday, 3 March 2015

Relationship red flags.

Hiya lovelies... Hope it's not raining cats and and dogs in other parts of Nigeria because I hear it's been pouring like mad.. Well, it's it's still harmattan here oh but I guess I'm getting used to the chilly weather.

Well,  in other news,  one girl moved out of my room and another is due to move in today but it's not yet uhuru but I'll save the rant for later.

To the business of the day,  we all know that not all relationships lead to the altar but then,  even when it's not altar bound,  there are some relationships that are clearly headed towards the doldrums but we choose to ignore the red flags and when the the unpalatable happens,  I hear stuffs like "I knew it wasn't going to work but I wanted to give it a try" really???

So today we'll be considering those red flags that we've choose to turn a blind eye to overtime. Feel free to add more in the comment section.

  1. Not wanting to be be seen with you in public: Like seriously??  I once met this dude who was like he wants me to be his girl friend but we shouldn't be seen together in public to avoid gossip and all and I started grinding my teeth and was like really??  You see,  I like drama sometimes because when life is too quiet, it becomes becomes boring. 
  2. Only taking you to a friend's place: OK,  I started seeing some dude sometimes in the past and he would do the visiting and we would spend the number of hours we want to spend in his car talking. Initially, I didn't mind because I stay in the corpers lodge and my roomies act like there is bomb in their head so I hardly invite male visitors inside my room but being the talkative that I am,  after his third visit,  I asked him when he was going to take me to his place (he wasn't forth coming so I helped him) and he started some cock and bull tale about how h still stay with his parents (smh) and how the culture is here and really I wasn't angry but at that point, I knew I had to use my tongue to count my teeth. 
  3. Hanging out with you in places like hotels hotel: so still on the dude from #1, he was asking me if I knew any hotel we could go to when we want to have a "nice time" and my head started spinning. I was like "do I look like a whore?" and what kind of nice time do you think you can have in the hotel other than short time??? Because I knew quite alright that he wasn't going there to pamper me and all. 
  4. Lack of communication: I broke up with my ex in January, the road to the break up was a very painful one (I'll address lessons from it soon) and tell you what?  The last straw was the Lack of communication. At some point,  we'll be holding a conversation and I will be the only one talking and I'll be like bae this is a dialogue not a monologue and it started going down and down until he stopped calling or texting.  Fine, I continued but communication is a two way traffic and honestly,  when your partner can go for days without talking to you,  then there is no point deceiving yourself that you're in a relationship. 
  5. Lack of trust: I know of a dude that doesn't trust his girl one bit!!  He used to monitor her social media account and if she talks to any dude,  he calls her a flirt and yet, she didn't see it as a problem. You see,  people who have trust issues do not trust themselves either.  They may be struggling with guilt from the past and so they take it out on people.  If there is no trust in a relationship, then what are you two doing together?? 
  6. Obssessive behaviour: I hate being "policed". I can't imagine my partner texting or calling me every five minutes to ask where I am,  who I'm with,  what I'm doing etc,  in fact it pisses me off. Abeg if your partner is like that,  run!! Yes, you might enjoy the attention initially but trust me,  with time,  you'll feel caged!  
  7. Feeling of insecurity: Yes,  some of us are insecure about one or two things but if you are really bent on it, talk to your partner and ask for help instead of taking it out on your innocent partner and thinking that every pm or dp she puts up is subtly referring to you. 
TThe red flags are not limited to these but please I beg of us,  love is not blind!!  It's time to stop viewing life with rose coloured shades that blinds us from reality!  


  1. Hi amaka, how have u been dear?.
    Wow! There's a lot to relationship but that's if you've got balls to face the shit. Why get into a relationship when you know it would lead nowhere. What hurts me most is how people waste their time unnecessarily. Back to back, I can't date someone who can't be proud of me being with him in public except he's got a whole lotta secret thingy involved. Personally, I love dramas and I can't even watch all the aforementioned listed get out of hand before I act, Shikena.


    1. Could age difference be a sign, if am some years older than he is. Anonymous*

    2. Mhen, keeping up with the struggle Deb, asides that I'm fine.
      A relationship shouldn't even be shitty in the first place, yes it can't be all rosy but there are some adjectives that shouldn't be used to describe a relationship my dear.
      I don't understand why people get into a relationship that is doomed to fail though but hey *shrugs*

    3. Dear anonymous, well, age is inconsequential only if the two of you have an understanding that age is just a number and if when the female is the older, she doesn't act all domineering.
      Age becomes a red flag when /if he says he can't get married to someone older.

  2. I agree with most of your opinions Amaka. It hurts ending a relationship that one thought would last life time due to these signs.


    1. A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage.

  3. Unfortunately, people in love ignore the above signs. Only if we could think with our head and not at our heart. Nawa o for the guy who didn't wNt to be seen with you in public - I've experienced such before

    1. I don't ignore oh!! Hian.
      I can't even be a party to such. Not wanting to be seen with me in public??

  4. With my last relationship, the eye opening sign was not been invited or allowed to visit him in his place. He did the first time, i didn't say anything but after almost 4 times of finding excuses for me not to come over i gave myself brain o. Imagine me reaching the bus park to board a vehicle to his place and him calling telling me not to bother that he is on duty.... I have suffered mehn..

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