Tuesday, 25 August 2015

Once I loved you.

I want to apologise for my off and on updates; initially I was torn between closing the blog down and continuing but I asked myself why I started blogging so I decided to hold on. My decision not to monetize the blog arose from the fact that I started this because I needed an outlet. Yes,  I've gotten it but I need more. Sometimes I wish I were blogging anonymously because I have so much burning within me,  maybe I'm a coward for not writing it like it's hot,  but on the other hand,  maybe I'm not after all would be employers Google prospective employees these days so one has to be mindful.

I've been slipping into mini depression these past weeks but nobody knows because I try to be the cheerful me on the outside but the battles I'm fighting is though..  Anyways why did I open blogger today self??

Sometimes something just wedges whatever it is between good and near perfect relationships you begin to question yourself what went wrong because in fact it happens so fast you don't even know where or when it started going wrong.

Yes,  I decided not to date casually during my nysc days but alas! Fate had something in stock for me and what's more? I fell in love. I can count how many people I've loved so I was sure of it when I was diving in body, spirit and soul. I'm not naturally a good talker if we're meeting for the first time but it was O so perfect with you. It was not about the German juice, no. Towards the end of April  I was very sad as I knew that soon distance would set in but I held on still to fragments of hope then I went on official assignment and when I came back, I lost my relationship.

I was stunned at first, then the void set it. Once or twice I tried to contact you on bbm but nothing. At that point I knew it was over and I wiped every memory of you and bam! You've started calling me now and then,  4 months after. It's now I even feel the hurt more because we never talked about it,  we just walked away.. Maybe it wasn't worth fighting for anyway but you know what they say? There are no guarantees in life,  just promises and whispers.

From yesterday, I am to learn
For tomorrow to be good
If in my past, remain
If you must remember me in your memory
If in my future,  don't you come
Not as a friend
Not as a lover
To drag me back
To a past I must move away from
You always will I remember
You always I treasure somewhere in me
Because a period with you
I learnt to face the rhythm of emotions
A time once I loved you
And love vanishes not
So be content with a memory
That once I loved you
No matter the change. 


  1. Amy I think you should monetize the blog.

    Biko don't even talk about shutting the blog down.

    Nma's Blog 

  2. My dear i do understand a bit of what you going through or went through. We all go through stuffs sometimes we keep at other times we look for a good shoulder to lean on. It's even more painful if you don't know the reason why things are the way they are.. But trust me this too will pass and you would look back someday and be grateful for this experience.. Blogging is a personal thing. To me it has become part of my life but may have a different meaning to another. In all just create your happiness yourself that is all that matters.. You are unique, you are special, you are talented don't let situation tell you otherwise..


    1. It's passing already.
      For strange reasons this comment touched the very fragile part of my heart!

  3. shutting down the blog? HELL NO. wanna monetize? U WILL EVENTUALLY MAKE THE DECISION. hugs hun... be safe

    when daddy asks THE question

  4. Hello, what a honest and insightful post. I have had times when I felt the same -torn between calling it quits and holding on by blogging more. I'm still writing, and I do hope that you will be too. Best wishes!

  5. You will be fine,in no time. You will experience heartbreak for you to appreciate the bigger surprise God is bringing your way.
    E-huggz dear


  6. hmmmnn! Nawa oH! **Takes off wrist watch.. This loF something ehhnnn.. Eeez not a joking sturvz oh sam sam! Okay! The truth is biTTer Amaka.. But LeRRus ju8st be truthful on here, hence i guess we have to say it as it is.. Waiiitt for it... here goes.. "Boys are Confused.." Not Men nne.. Boys like me... Similar thing happened with one gehn ghen lady I met sometime last year.. When she begged to give hope to our Not Relationship oh.. But "Lovingly DEEP" friendship.. i pushed her away.. but now that i want her.. She is with another.. Ironical life i guess.. All i can say is Bubba... Live Happy.. Dont put yourself under any sort of pressure.. It eez neFer worth it biko... And about being Depressed.. Abegggii.. Thats for weaklings.. Go to the cinema's.. Sex chat.. Club.. Pray.. Do something Productive and in tune with your inner man.. Cause on teh long run ba... the beautiful Times of life farrrrr out weigh the sad times.. Dont take life too personal.. GOD gats us Bubba.. and the crowd goes.. Ammmmiiinn.

  7. Hey girl, chin up. Somethings happen for a reason, you might not know it now but God has a bigger plan for you. About this 'i want to shut down my blog' syndrome that is affecting most of us....i no know o. I thought i was the only one that was feeling it lately but it seems a lot of us are feeling it. I hope we all overcome it and press forward with our blogs.

    Hey do you know what happened to tibs' blog? Can't find it anywhere.

    1. ...I have started casting and binding away that spirit. A fellow blogger also complained about it too. We need to find strength to keep up with our blogs, but this can only happen if we find a renewed reason(s) to blog each time, and keep love doing it.

      Erniesha Tibs' actually put up a notification that she would be closing her blog for reasons best known to her, and she appreciated all that was part of that family. I saw this the last time I visited Tib's blog. The Tibs Tells Tales blog is no more now. God bless Erniesha for being so much an inspiration to many of us on blogsville.


      Egwumba’s Blog

  8. I totally can relate with this post - NYSC, Relationsip, Seperation..., even though we are of opposite sex. See what I mean in a post I did sometime in April about my own experience: Realising the PAIN of LOVE . That experience somehow affected my blog positively too I must say, as I somehow found reasons to blog and keep ma blog rolling and I am still keeping on.
    Thanks for keeping it real with this post... I felt all the emotions you put into it.

  9. Amaka dear, take a break if you want, blog whenever you feel the need for it, we will always be here no pressure at all.

    About this love thing... Hmmm my dear sometimes these things happen for a reason, mostly to make us stronger. Don't for a second think its anything to do with you cos you're perfect. Be good hun and stay strong E-hugss.

  10. If I give you slap from here. Shut what? U had better shut up...You just have discovered that there is solace here. The blog keeps you going. People's comment is part of it. Don't even think about it.

    Whatever you are going through, try to cry, eat chocolate and blog, baby you will be fine. It's a phase!!!!!

    I miss you small sha even though you didn't look for me

    1. I'm so sorry ma'am. I've been off the Internet for a while. How are you doing?

  11. Don't even thinks of shutting your blog, I felt almost same way few days ago but i've come to realize closing the blog won't make me feel better. Hold on it'll get better.

    The hottest and most inspiring couple of the week.

  12. Where are you dear?