Friday, 4 December 2015

When parents argue

Do your parents ever argue in front of you? If so what do they fight about? Money? Relatives? You?
Cupcakes, growing up wasn't fun for me because it was like the only moment my parents didn't argue was more than the times they argued. I used to dread coming home after school and I'll make sure to play till it's late so when I get home I'll just eat dinner, do my home work and go to bed but doing that was like an ostrich burying it's head in the sand to avoid being seen when infact it's whole body is on display. At a point I asked myself how long I'll live in denial so I resorted to writing letters to both parents and dropping it on their desks.
You see, you can't help but be affected by your parents dispute after all you love them and rely on them for support. Seeing your parents quarrel brings home a painful realization that they aren't nearly as perfect as we think they are. When the arguments are frequent and intense, the fear and worry that their marriage is on the verge of breaking up may set in. I remember being scared to go to school because my parents might have split with my mum moving out.
Well, parents having disagreements doesn't automatically mean that their marriage is falling apart as people who love each other may still disagree at times. Unity does not require uniformity.
What to do?
1. Be respectful. Treating a parent with contempt will only add to family tensions
2. Remain neutral. You could excuse yourself by telling them to work out their differences between themselves
3. Communicate. Tell your parents how their quarreling makes you feel and choose a time when you think they'll be receptive.

What not to do
1. Don't play the marriage counsellor. Trying to take over the controls by involving yourself in your parents marital troubles would likely just make things worse.
2. Don't join in. Two clashing voices are bad enough. Why add a third voice to the argument?
3. Don't play one parent against the other. Clever might gain you a little freedom but in the long run, it prolongs family strife.
4. Don't let their behaviour affect your behaviour.

20 comments:

  1. Mine divorced in 1995. Before then, I only heard them quarrel once, on my 7th birthday and they were whispering so wouldn't hear.. So, it is not by how much they quarrel or not. So i believe it is better to avoid being a part of it.
    Good advise, though I wonder if they'd do it so much if they realise the effect it would have on the kids.

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    Replies
    1. TBH in the end, divorce is better than everybody walking on eggshell.

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  2. As two different individuals, who don't think exactly the same way or want exactly the same thing at some point, I guess Quarrels are inevitable.
    Nma's Blog 

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    Replies
    1. Yes but then, when it becomes a regular occurrence, there is trouble looming.

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  3. Its so painful that when things like this happen, its the children that suffer

    chincobee.blogspot.com

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    Replies
    1. Abi?? When two elephants fight it's the grass that truly suffers.

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  4. I agree with chincobee I am a product of a broken home. I wish my parents did it right. It was easy. Cos it affected us even both parents alot

    May God help us

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    Replies
    1. And may he give us the wisdom to avoid the pitfalls they couldn't avoid.

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  5. Wow..... Great thoughts dear.
    www.debrasmuse.blogspot.com

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  6. Amaka well said, I have always wanted to write to something about this but been skeptical. My parents major issue that led to separation was because my Mum gave her life to christ. My dad been a core traditionalist couldn't cope with the Light in Mum. You know the rest....God help us to walk in the light with your partner from onset.

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  7. My mum n dad never quarreled in our presence. The only way I noticed they quarrelled was whenever my mum loved the connecting door to their rooms. My dad loved was the funny n touchy-touchy type. So,closing the door was her own way of saying,keep off.
    I also believe my mum"s calm nature prevented many tsunamis

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    Replies
    1. Hian,which kain thunderous gbagauns be dis?.
      #locked the connecting door
      #my dad was

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