Wednesday, 10 August 2016

Just the tip

I'm a strong advocate for sex education, especially at a young age. I know the older generation might not find my position too comfortable, but then, when I say "sex education", I do not mean the different coital positions. NO! That's just a fragment anyway.

I learnt virtually everything I know today about sex on the street and by the time my mum started to lecture me (I was 10), well, let me not say it was a little too late, but then there was nothing new I needed to learn and so I just sat through the lecture while pretending to be hearing everything for the first time.
Now, with the rate of sexual perversion, fathers raping daughters, teachers raping pupils and so on, there is the urgent need for all and sundry to fasten their seat belts!
As early as kids can talk, ring it into their ears that no uncle/aunt is permitted to carry them in a compromising position , male or female, there is nothing like "private part", penis is what it is and vagina is what it is, Period!
Nobody is permitted to touch them there on any condition (except the mum while bathing for the kid), no dad should ask you help him scratch somewhere, no female should tell you you touch her in some way  plus some creches or nursery school staff fondle these kids!! Scary yeah? I don't even what to talk about what happens in the dormitories and even places of worship!
Children are not permitted to show their privates to another child, remember how many of us lost our innocence while playing daddy and mummy as kids?? Lailai!! My kids won't play mummy and daddy!
Desperate times calls for desperate measures and as soon as your girls are old enough, tell them if a man promises to put the tip inside, they should flee!!
I know how tough it is for people who live in "yards" with other tenants, how when some parents go to work, these predators try to lure these children! Sad yeah?
How will a man in the heat of the moment just put the tip?? No way! He is diving in Phelps style!! But because some of us are gullible, we fall victim and add to the ever growing statistics of single mothers or those who lose their innocence to ignorance. The unlucky ones are left with mementos in form of STDs!
Teach them right, else they learn it the wrong way!!

Monday, 8 August 2016

VERBS (4)

In the spirit of the ongoing Olympics, we'd be considering verbs related to sports... Read on 






Sunday, 7 August 2016

Before you say I do (the end)

Today we'd be looking at the concluding part of some things you should not ignore before you walk down the aisle. Click here to read the first part.

14. Conflicts: Occasionally, there will be conflicts (even the teeth and tongue fight), talk bout how to resolve them. What are the things you both can handle? Talk about your strengths and weaknesses. What are your fears? What can your spouse do to appease you when you are angry? How can he/she increase the anger?
15. Handling friendships: How would you both handle relationships with the opposite sex even after the wedding? Are you the type of wife whose husband must never hug another lady? Or are you the type of husband whose wife must not wink at an old friend? Talk about these things.
16. Multi dimensional relationship: This includes God, spouse, parents, siblings, friends, academic pursuit,vision,goals and ambitions.
What is your threshold for lack of attention from your spouse?
Talk about your dedication to each of the above listed individuals/commitment.
17. Attitude about weight and body posture: He/she might not remain slim for life. Will you still love her for who she has grown to become?
18. Religious and spiritual beliefs: The God you believe in determines how you will behave and relate with people.
What are your beliefs? How involved are you in church activities? What's your opinion on service in the house of God?
How will marrying into a different religion or even different denomination affect your home and children in the long run?
 Iron these things out before saying "I do".
19. Hobbies and interests: Type of music enjoyed, things you do for relaxation. Obviously, if the husband is into EPL nd the wife is into zeeworld, then there will be conflict.
Find common interests between you and your potential partner, that way you can enjoy doing things and talking about them together without getting bored.
Often times, having different interest requires you or your partner to sacrifice your desires for the happiness of the other. Eventually, it may lead to ego problems and misunderstanding, so as much as possible, choose a potential partner who shares a lot of common interests with you.
20. Income distribution: Total amount of income to be spent, saved, given out, etc. Would you rather a joint or separate account?
Money issues can destroy the home, it's better to discuss such things before going ahead with the wedding.
How much should be allocated to vacation, church, relatives, investment, etc.
21. Cleanliness: Attitude to odour, dirty environment, etc. While some individuals do not see any wrong in living in a house not swept for days, others can't bear the thought of staying in an un swept environment for a day.
If your husband is the type that wears clothes once and wants them washed whereas the wife one that can wear clothes twice or thrice before considering a wash, there may be a problem.
22. Sickness: Ways of handling illness. Are your methods spiritual, medical, traditional, etc and in what order of priority? What are your individual health standards? Do you visit the doctor regularly?
While some individuals depend totally on God for divine healing, others can't do without their monthly checkups and visit to their doctors.
23. Interpersonal and social skills: How (s)he relates with God the supreme being, the poor, rich, mighty, elite, weak, sick, waiter, doorman etc. Don't be fooled, humans don't change, attitudes are only suppressed into oblivions when the spirit of the Lord takes over.
24. Geographical standards: Where can you live/reside? You two might have views world apart as it concerns residential areas. While your spouse prefers quiet and reserved areas, you might not have a flair for silent areas but for lively areas where you don't get to miss all the happenings.
Remote and secluded areas might be some people's favourite.
House chores, cooking and living standards.
25. Occupation: This is a variant of how much time you want to be spending together.
Who can you marry occupation wise? If you're marrying a medical practitioner, politician, pilot, etc, then the time spent together will obviously vary when compared to a teacher, clergy, etc.
26. Bed time and rest time: When to go to bed, when to wake up. To some people, night prayer will be the last activity for the day whereas to others, it's a movie that puts them to sleep.
For such a couple, the lady wants to sleep immediately after prayers, but the husband still wants to watch movies, surf the Internet, play games, etc.
27. Sex life: Sex is one of the cement that helps seal the bond in marriage. How often would you like it? Must it follow a strict schedule??

Thanks to Holyparcel for giving me the permission to use his material although I edited some part and made little additions too.
I hope this goes a long way  to touch one or two lives out there. Cheers!

Thursday, 4 August 2016

Before you say "I do" (Part 1)

As it has been said over and over again, the concept of marriage cannot be over emphasised. Marriage is a life long affair and it's disheartening to know that many people spend years studying cats and lizards in the university, spend months preparing for the wedding and do not even take time out to prepare for marriage.

In preparation for marriage, there are books you need to read, effectual fervent prayers to be prayed, lives you need to study and above all things you both need to talk about before you say 'I do'.
Communication is a very essential factor if there will be understanding between two or more individuals, therefore in preparing for marriage, here are a few things you need to talk about. If these things can be truthfully discussed, then the decision that follows will be in the best interest of both parties.
1. Intelligence level: You will be discussing issues together in marriage so you both must consider each other's intelligence level.
Communication cannot be effective if the husband is talking in one direction and the wife is talking in another direction.
Intelligence level however is not a function of academic qualification, but of attitude towards mental development.
2. Family background: How will it affect your relationship? Family is something you both cannot do without even in your relationship. Make necessary findings about each other's family background and trash out every necessary detail before proceeding. No time for shocking discoveries after wedding.
3. Formal education: What is the height of education attainable and obtainable? How further do you wish to go? Let this issue be discussed before proceeding. No time for strange ambitions later on in life, it may cause damage in the home.
4. Verbal skills: How vocal is your spouse? Are you the talking type? Is your wife also the talking type? No one wishes to talk to an image or a deaf and dumb (apologies to those with these disabilities). Communication is effective when both parties are deeply involved.
Also, when you attend functions, if your partner is the talking type, be ready to also talk.
Desire for verbal intimacy - women love to talk, can you comprehend such as a man?
5. Expected goals: What do you expect of her/him as the mother/father of your children? No room for shockers in future.
What is the drive behind those goals of his/hers? Let everything be clearly spelt out and accepted before consent is given towards a future together.
6. Your controls: How best do you control yourself?
7. Submission views: What are her views about being submissive? If she won't allow you talk, air your views, succumb in an argument, etc. Brother, take heed, it's possible she's not the submissive type. Learn and make a decision if you are still willing to go ahead.
8. Number of children: When married, how many children are you both willing to have? What family planning methods are you willing to adopt? Are you both willing to have a child immediately after marriage? If not, what happens if she immediately takes in after the wedding?
9. Child rearing views: We were all brought up differently, so we all have different views about child upbringing.
Never assume that your ideas about the issue is the same to avoid clashes in marriage. It won't be nice if the husband is training the child in one way and the husband is bringing up the child in another way. You will be causing factions in the family.
10. General views: What are your mental, psychological, social and emotional views of life? how does life situations affect you both?
There are people that can cry their heart out just because there was an earthquake in China; to avoid amusement during marriage, discuss these things thoroughly.
11. Sense of humour: What appears as a joke to you might not appear as a joke to your partner. Do you have the same sense of humour or you both don't even have a sense of humour? Then get ready for dull moments in the house. Your children will seek fun elsewhere or keep to themselves if there is never a lively environment in the home.
12. Punctuality: This is a very vital issue that needs to be trashed too. You'll both be attending functions and events. What's your view about African timing?
There are situations where the man would end up driving alone to an occasion both of them planned to attend because he got tired of waiting in the car for over 30 minutes.
13. Dependent level: Are you the dependent type? How dependent will you be on your spouse?
If you are the highly dependent type, then that means your partner must not stay away from home for too long (if at all he/she will need to travel), else, there will be a collapse.