Thursday, 4 August 2016

Before you say "I do" (Part 1)

As it has been said over and over again, the concept of marriage cannot be over emphasised. Marriage is a life long affair and it's disheartening to know that many people spend years studying cats and lizards in the university, spend months preparing for the wedding and do not even take time out to prepare for marriage.

In preparation for marriage, there are books you need to read, effectual fervent prayers to be prayed, lives you need to study and above all things you both need to talk about before you say 'I do'.
Communication is a very essential factor if there will be understanding between two or more individuals, therefore in preparing for marriage, here are a few things you need to talk about. If these things can be truthfully discussed, then the decision that follows will be in the best interest of both parties.
1. Intelligence level: You will be discussing issues together in marriage so you both must consider each other's intelligence level.
Communication cannot be effective if the husband is talking in one direction and the wife is talking in another direction.
Intelligence level however is not a function of academic qualification, but of attitude towards mental development.
2. Family background: How will it affect your relationship? Family is something you both cannot do without even in your relationship. Make necessary findings about each other's family background and trash out every necessary detail before proceeding. No time for shocking discoveries after wedding.
3. Formal education: What is the height of education attainable and obtainable? How further do you wish to go? Let this issue be discussed before proceeding. No time for strange ambitions later on in life, it may cause damage in the home.
4. Verbal skills: How vocal is your spouse? Are you the talking type? Is your wife also the talking type? No one wishes to talk to an image or a deaf and dumb (apologies to those with these disabilities). Communication is effective when both parties are deeply involved.
Also, when you attend functions, if your partner is the talking type, be ready to also talk.
Desire for verbal intimacy - women love to talk, can you comprehend such as a man?
5. Expected goals: What do you expect of her/him as the mother/father of your children? No room for shockers in future.
What is the drive behind those goals of his/hers? Let everything be clearly spelt out and accepted before consent is given towards a future together.
6. Your controls: How best do you control yourself?
7. Submission views: What are her views about being submissive? If she won't allow you talk, air your views, succumb in an argument, etc. Brother, take heed, it's possible she's not the submissive type. Learn and make a decision if you are still willing to go ahead.
8. Number of children: When married, how many children are you both willing to have? What family planning methods are you willing to adopt? Are you both willing to have a child immediately after marriage? If not, what happens if she immediately takes in after the wedding?
9. Child rearing views: We were all brought up differently, so we all have different views about child upbringing.
Never assume that your ideas about the issue is the same to avoid clashes in marriage. It won't be nice if the husband is training the child in one way and the husband is bringing up the child in another way. You will be causing factions in the family.
10. General views: What are your mental, psychological, social and emotional views of life? how does life situations affect you both?
There are people that can cry their heart out just because there was an earthquake in China; to avoid amusement during marriage, discuss these things thoroughly.
11. Sense of humour: What appears as a joke to you might not appear as a joke to your partner. Do you have the same sense of humour or you both don't even have a sense of humour? Then get ready for dull moments in the house. Your children will seek fun elsewhere or keep to themselves if there is never a lively environment in the home.
12. Punctuality: This is a very vital issue that needs to be trashed too. You'll both be attending functions and events. What's your view about African timing?
There are situations where the man would end up driving alone to an occasion both of them planned to attend because he got tired of waiting in the car for over 30 minutes.
13. Dependent level: Are you the dependent type? How dependent will you be on your spouse?
If you are the highly dependent type, then that means your partner must not stay away from home for too long (if at all he/she will need to travel), else, there will be a collapse. 


  1. Kudos! Knowledge belongs to the world...Express it!

  2. Valid points. If singles could arm themselves wih the necessary information before saying "I do," lots of marriages would be saved from destruction.

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